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it's been thiry seven days since my last twitter update or real blog post... life may suck but at least i'm living it.... in the real world.

quick update before i get sucked back in!!

hey guys make sure to read my comment on my "emotions" post (my last one before i left). e-mail and comment and all that jazz if you want me to get back into blogging and twittering. the more responses i get the more likely i am to do it, so if you miss me... let me know!!!
~xoxo~

tommorow...

just so you guys know... i won't be on anything tommorow cuz i'm going to a party at my friends from after school tommorow to sat. morning then going to ride straight after... so i wont be on here probly until saturday afternooon.... i know. kill me now having all those tweets to read when i get back.... :(!!! oh well.... real life is calling.
pics of my teeth are on twitter, but not here yet... be patient i'll get them up as soon as i can.
love you guys!!
~xoxo~

Lent

i'm catholic, and as today is fat tuesday (...), ash wednesday is tommorow, beginning lent (the 40 day, well actually 44 day cuz sundays don't count)prelude to the easter season. no don't quote me on this, cuz i'm not positive, but i'm pretty sure most christian denominations celebrate lent, and practice "giving something up for lent" correct me if i'm wrong. so i'm not trying to push my religion on you or anyhting like that, just explaining what i'm doing and why. we give up things for lent as a sign of reverence (i don't really know if that is the right word...) or respect (maybe) or just to suffer as Jesus did for 40 days when he was in the desert with nothing to eat or drink. us giving something up is basically us saying that we are going to suffer for 40 (44) days like He did. so, in my theme of fit, healthiness, all that shit, i am giving up desserts and trying to really throw myself into my commitment to eat healthy and work out. i am hoping that having this religious affiliation to my diet will work (it has to) and that i will be able to keep off the desserts after lent is over. i know that i am capable of doing the cuz i did it in 6th grade with a friend. my sister is doing it with me this year. i find that everything, but this in particular is easier when you do it with someone else. like my friend and i were able to "suffer" together and encourage each other. and like when we would get a treat in school or something, we would both mot be able to have it, vs. only one of us being left out... get it?
i am saying goodbye to desserts tonight, and i know gorging is bad and everything, but i ahve to et rid of all the shit in the house, so i'm eating brownies tonihgt and then probably bringing the rest of my cookies to school in the morning (wait, thursday cuz i'm not going to school tommorow!!). ya, so i am actually really excited for this!!! it is one thing that will really work, for sure. i am also adding into my lenten thing is no unessesary snacking (to kidna show me what people in other countries go through).
i am also aware that your act of lenten "fasting" i guess it's called, is supposed to benefit someone else in some way, but the only thing i can think of is that the world will benefit by having a more attractive person to look at. does that count? i'm still doing this, regardless. so i think that's it. here is a link to a video that will better explain the purpose (kinda) of lent and fasting and all that. i am not following this exactly ,just my own interpretation of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbrwXLLCZxo
go check it out.
question time: what are you and your friends/family doing for lent?
if you are not christian, what do you believe in?
if you have any questions about lent or my faith in general, let me know.

there are lots of ways to get in contact with me, so don't be shy guys!! twitter, e-mail, this blog, youtube....

follow me on twitter for updates on how this is all going for me (i have a twitter gadget on top of this page now, so check there for my most recent tweets). i guess i'll talk to you guys later then!!
~only jesus~

you all know i'm getting my braces off tommorow (i'm physched!!!) so i'm definitely going to twitpic them and do before and afters and stuff, but i'll try to get them up on here, too!! check back often!!

~xoxo~

good morning...

woke up at 4:20 today... comtemplating whether or not to work out... i don't really want to, nor do i have the energy to, but i really need to. and also if i do, than i have a better excuse for an eas vs. having just fruit again... blech. i mean, i like fruit but it's not as appealing to me as chocolate or carbs.... mhm, carbs:(... *sigh* i was also thinking about having strawberry yogurt (does that count as fruit? it's only 60 cals so it can be whatever i want it to...). writing this post has made me realize that i need to work out today, so i'm going to go do an easy, quick one then have yogurt and fruit for breakfast... blah to following the rules!!

btw you guys... i get my breaces off tommorow!!! yay!! be excited!!!!!

~xo~

omg omg!! and frutarian dinner

omg you guys... twitter is down!!! hahaha i'm slowly becoming a twitter whore... well not so much becoming anymore. i guess i am one officialy now. i am officially addicted to twitter. and i only have like 16 followers right now. but what can i say...
so my frutarian dinner was some apple slices. pretty delish. i skipped lunch officially cuz i had my eas shake and did some cheating while i was baking today, but other than that i am pretty happy! i'm proud of myself for only eating as much as i did. *pat myself on back*. hahahaha i really need a jumprope. i'm sad cuz i though we had a bunch, but they are currently MIA, so now i can't do all the intense cardio that i need to :( i also like to type that out... idk why, so *sad face*. makes me sound like an even bigger twitter whore. hahaha ok that's it for now. off to search for a jumprope....

support my addiction!!

"night"

if you have not read "night" by elie wiesel, go read it right now! i finished it a while back, but was just copying sentances i love out of it, so i remembered it. it is honestly one of the most life changing books i have ever read. and that says something, coming from a twilight addict. i love this book and every single element of it really paints the horrible picture of the holocost. oh, i love it. yeah. go read it. now. i'm kinda likeing this book reivew thing. maybe i'll do more.
~xoxo~

frutarian day 1- breakfast

for breakfast today i had one cup of seedless green grapes. one cup is actually a lot. for normal sized grapes it was about 50, so depending on the size of the grape, one cup is usually about 40-50 grapes. i'm also going to be doing the thing where you can basically eat whenever you're hungry, but you have to wait 30 minutes between meals or snacks. this is to make sure you are acutally still hungry, not just bored and snacking for something to do. as far as reaching this weeks goal by wednesday pound wise, probably not going to happen this week. i'm back up pretty heavy right now :( but i'm working out all the time, so it should get better... i hope. i am not any less motivated, so that's good. i think it will just take a little more time than i had hoped, but my three pound/week goal is still in place, so i'm hoping to get back on track with that. i think that's it as far a my frutarian-ness. also, you eat only fruit, if you were wondering, but you can have other stuff a little but, like for school i'd still have a sandwich so i don't look anorexic, but primarily fruit. it was really hard for me to leave my protein shake in the fridge, cuz i really wanted one, but i had to say no, so i'm proud of myself for that. ok, that's it for now. theoretically, i should also be more hydrated, because fruit has so much water in it, that's why there are so little calories, and i'm trying to drink more water as well, which will help to kick hunger a little. if you have any questions about any of this, e-mail, twitter, dm on twitter, message on youtube... you get it. there's plenty of ways to reach me.
~xoxo~
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all night part 2

i fell asleep from 4:50ish to 9 am. which isn't what i was planning to do, but at least i didn't stay sleeping until afternoon. i think it is actually good that i got 5 hours of sleep, so i can see how i function on this, then get down to nothing sometime in the future. it was kinda fun, though. ya. i'm also a frutarian now, sorta... so i'll update on that. i just kinda wanted to keep the posts separate... ocd, i know.
~xoxo~

my all night adventure

so i accomplished this staying up all night deal... it is now 4:15 am, the time i normally try to get up for school. i kinda feel stupid though, cuz i didn't really accomplish anyhting tonight, all i did was watch videos. but whatever. so let's see if i can make it through today. i might go to sleep for a little while right now. i'm trying to decide if i want to just sleep all day, or have a normal day and just go to be really early tonight to make up for missing sleep. i don't really know. maybe i'll be fine just trying to stay on my same schedule. idk. it's really fun though, i mean, maybe it's just because it's a change in the routine of things, but i love it. i love change. i embrace it. like how i'm loving my new room setup. that makes this whole staying up all night thing even better cuz it's something new added to the already newness. hahaha can i make up words on here? whatever, i will. i'm kinda getting a headache right now, or maybe i'm just tired. or maybe the bandana in my hair is too tight. probably all three. if i go to sleep now, i probly won't wake up until afternoonish, which is bad becuase i'm supposed to go ride with my trainer, and she's kind of a morning person. so mayber i could stay awake through that, but i don't know what time it's gonna be. drinking water to help fuel thought. my legs kill.4:21. 4:22. i havn't thought of anyhting to say for the past minute, there's a first. so i think i'm gonna finish the holiday, which i havn't finished yet. i think i just get bored with movies sometimes.... i don't know. whatever. kinda have a stomach ache now. does that mean i need sleep? i've never done this before to expirience the side effects. i mean, like i've stayed up into another day before, and there's always been sleepovers and stuff, but i've never stayed u[ throught the night with the intention of not sleeping. i feel so b.a. right now. and i'm not even doing anything bad. starting the frutarian thing today. should be an interesting expirience. but when i eat fruit all the time, like at school and stuff for all my snacks, i will randomly start craving carbs. like i'll really want goldfish or cheez-its or my special k crakcers instead of fruit. cuz even when fruit is really good, you have to get sick of it after a while and want to eat crap. but it's good for you, so i'll try to hang in there. i'm just excited to try it and see how it works out.i think i might just close my eyes for a little bit, but not long cuz i wanna see if i can function with no sleep. so far, i've been good up until now with only having that little hour nap. i'll update with how this little adventure goes...

random update

i am basically only writing this because i've lost three (gasp!) followers today, presumably because i have been blowing up twitter with all my randomness. so now i'm writing a post. hahaha. so bowling with the family was fun, but i got a massive headache from the smokey smell. i forgot to wear nasty clothes, too, because our bowling alley at home is new and has never had any smoke in it, so that's the one we always go to. i woke up really sore today, like i couldn't move, but despite that, i worked out again today and it was amazing. ya. working out is good. hahaha. i'll probably feel like hell tommorow. oh well. i kinda like being sore though, cuz it means you are actually doing something and you can feel the effects of your efforts, you know? maybe it's just me, but i like the feeling. plust you can be like "ugh i'm so sore from working out" and it makes you sound all cool and healthy. maybe i'm the only one who sees the enjoyment of telling people that. oh well. also, i'm thinking of another name change for the blog, so give me your ideas for that! as you know from twitter, i'm all sad cuz i had to leave "valentine's day" cuz my friend go sick, so send me your links to watch online!! thanks. i'm also contemplating pulling an all night, which i think i will do know, just cuz i don't have school tommorow and it sounds fun. also, if i do the frutarian thing (just to try it out) do i have to eat ALL fruit, like that's it, or is it just MOSTLY fruit? can i still have my protein shakes? it seems like you'd need something besides just fruit to get other vitamins and shit. let me know health experts! i'm feeling my developing thigh muscles. they are coming along nicely:P is that weird?? this is one of my longest posts in a while. maybe then i'll be out of random thoughts for twitter. that was basically the only point of this post. ok. love you guys! oh, happy 7th birthday to my little brother, love you baby!! hahaha and happy valentine's day to everyone if i don't get back on here before midnight!! don't forget valentine's day links!!!
~a day in the life of love...~
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love you guys, xoxo

happyish valentines day!

happy (...) valentine's day everyone. i woke up in a surprisingly good mood today. watched ps i love you last night, so now i have the soundtrack and its AMMAZING!! haha. sos luckily i'm gonna be pretty busy tonight cuz, you guys know, it's my little brother's burthday, so we are going bowling with a couple of my aunts and cousins and out to lunch to celebrate. si that should be good. then we are going to church tonight and then i'll be finishing my movie marthon and i'm gonna watch "valentine's day" tonight. i've held myself off so i can see it today!! so what are you guys' plans today? anyone have an actual valentine? anyone as hopless as me? anyone just not care? i'll post back later to tell you how deppressing or hopefully not my day was! love you guys!
~don't be afraid to love~
xoxo

and to add to my already fabulous day...

so when i got home i didn't know friendboy was here so naturally i went right for the chocolate and the only thing we had were peannut m&ms. i had a huge handful and the he walks in the room and comes over to hug me. he is deathly allergic to peanuts, so i start flipping out and run outside, spit the m&ms in the snow and run baarefoot, through the snow to the back door and brush my teeth (twice) mouthwash (twice) and wash my hand (twice) and change my clothes. i put my hair up, too but i don't know if that makes a difference. he is fine now, but i was panicked.
and almost killing someone defintely adds to my feel good mood. so now i really need the sad movies and chocolate, except, oh wait, i can't have chocolate without risking almost killing friendboy (again). if i didn't feel like total shit before, i definitely do now. fml. i feel like shit and no one wants me.

The most depressing day of the year...

So... Valentines day. The most depressing day of the year for us singles, and the people like my mom, who's husbands army exactly the romantic type. So, to start my annual bout of valentinesday deporession, friendboy was waiting for my sister outside of her work with a dozen red roses. Sounds like something out of a movie, right?incredibly romantic for her, incredibly deppressing for me. So now here I am, listening to my extra deppressing lovey playlist and ready to burst into tears. It makes me want to cry not only because he did that for her, bur also that he's my age, and because none of the guys that I have a chance with would ever do something like that for me. And that's killing me. My mom told me "oh your time will come" and that brings our my huge phobia of being terminally alone. What if my time never does come?? What then?? The actual day of valentines day shouldn't be too bad cuz it's my brothers birthday, and my aunt and uncle and cousins are coming up, so I'll have a few distractions I guess. I'm going to watch a bunch of really romantic depressing movies, bawl my eyes out then go to sleep and hope life doesn't suck so much in the morning... like I'm ever that lucky.

mini post

sorry i dont have time for a realy post right now, but more shit is up with lana. i don't really know what yet, but briget feels it too, and it sucks. more later

ok i know this is dumb, but i need your help!

here is the first draft for my term paper for my earth science class. it kinda sucks right now, but i am just looking for feedback and maybe additional information. if any of you guys are survivors or know someone who is, a firsthand account would be amazing. thank you so much for your help!!! (btw- my topic is Hurrican KAtrina)

On august 29, 2005, the lives of fifteen million people were changed forever. Many people died, were uninjured and evacuated from their homes, leaving everything behind as a result of a category five hurricane, Hurricane Katrina. She swept upon the gulf states wreaking havoc with her. Hurricane Katrina was one of the most devastating disasters in our recent history.
a Hurricane is an intense low pressure area that forms over warm ocean waters in the summer and early fall. They obtain their energy from water vapor which is evaporated from the ocean surface. Water vapor is able to fuel hurricanes because it releases the "latent heat of condensation" when it condenses to form clouds and rain, warming the surrounding air. Usually, the heat released in this way in tropical thunderstorms is carried away by wind shear, which blows the top off the thunderstorms. But when there is little wind shear, this heat can build up, causing low pressure to form. The low pressure causes wind to begin to spiral inward toward the center of the low. These winds help to evaporate even more water vapor from the ocean, spiraling inward toward the center, feeding more showers and thunderstorms, and warming the upper atmosphere still more. The showers and thunderstorms where all of this energy is released are usually organized into bands (sometimes called "rainbands" or "feeder bands"), as well as into an "eyewall" encircling the center of the storm. The eyewall is where the strongest winds occur, which encircle the warmest air, in the eye of the hurricane. This warmth in the eye is produced by sinking air, which sinks in response to rising air in the thunderstorms. The winds diminish rapidly moving from the eyewall to the inside of the relatively cloud-free eye, where calm winds can exist. Hurricane Katrina was a category five hurricane, reaching speeds of one hundred sixty-five miles per hour when it hit Miami, Florida.

The effects of Hurrican Katrina were devastating. The city most effected was New Orleans, Louisiana. Hurricane Katrina was the indirect cuase of some health problems of victims due to the oils spills, sewage leaks and chemicals that poisoned the flood water that swept throught the affected cities. The huricane also polluted groundwater reserves, which are a major source of drinking water. Most of the roads in New Orleans were destroyed as a direct result of the Hurricane. the levees(A levee is an embankment made to protect the city from water overflow) in the city of New Orleans were able to withstand the hurricane, but some levees were replaced with two foot thick walls, which collapsed during the hurricane.
Over one thousand, eight hundred people lost their lives due to Hurricane Katrina, and even more lost their homes and possesions. There was complete chaos after the hurricane due to lack of clean water, food, and sanitary hygiene, and many people suffered psychological stress and emotional turmoil due to the hurricane and the living conditions afterward. Many people lost, temporarily or permanently, their friends and family members as a result of Hurricane Katrina. 78,000 people were put into emergency shelters and many of the residents of New Orleans had to be evacuated to Texas.
Being prepared for a hurricane is the best way to protect yourself and your family from experiencing the devastating effects of a hurricane. Make a family plan so everyone in your family knows what to do in the event of a hurricane. Discuss things such as your home’s vulnerability to hurricanes. It is a good idea to have an out of state contact such a family member or friend that you will be able to go to in the event of a disaster. If you have pets, know what you are going to do with them in the event of a disaster. Create a disaster supply kit, filled with things such as non-perishable food, water bottles, flashlights, batteries and a first aid kit, along with any necessary medications for the people in your family. You also should have copies of important documents, toiletry items and a telephone. Being prepared is the best way to protect your family and yourself from the devastating effects of a hurricane.

thanks for sticking through that-- so not interesting, i know!! love you guys!!!
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riding my baby!! (haha that's what she said!!)

so i went out to ride this morning and it was absolutely incredible to be back on my horse. i mean, i expected him to be horrible after all this time off, but he was far from it!! oh my god, i've missed riding so much, and i don't give my boy enought credit for being onyl FIVE and already a grand champion (from last year when he was FOUR!!! his first year showing, too!!) i'm so proud of him and i love him so much and i just wanted to tell all of oyu guys about that amazing expirience. none of you without and equestrian background will understand this, but those of you who have one will know what i am talking about exactly when i talk about the amazing feeling of being perfectly in sync with another being, and the empowering feeling of controlling one. it is so amaizng, and the high of being in that arena is incomprable. okay i sound like a douche right now, but still, i am just so happy with how this is all turning out. this is going to be a great year for us!!

~i love my boy~
xoxoxo
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my super long, much overdue post... it's finally here!!

hey everyone!! i'm so sorry it's been forever since i've had a real post, and i'm so so sorry, but thanks for hanging in there! i'm back now and i have so much information that you will probably fall asleep before reading all of it, so bear with me because it is all very juicy and awesome... if you like that sort of thing... but really, who doesn't??
so i guesss i'll start of with lana. things are back to normal with us. all the drama from a while ago (was it last week?? time seems to go by so fast, yet so slow, and once something happens i completely lose all track of time... here i go, see? anyways...) really brought us close again because we were on the same side of the whole argument and really, and i know this is terrbible, but us bitching about other people and complaining about them and all that brought us together, so i'm really thanful to all the bitches in my school who are able to bring me and lana back together. snaps for all of you guys! and jenna is basically out of the picture now. i mean, she still tries to be all over lana, but only when none of her other more popular friends are not around. she does the same thing with me, and did all last year, she basically only talks to the most popular person in each given situation, sometimes lana, sometimes me, but mostly neither. even though lana and i are friends again, i still second guess myself sometimes, like i did at the begining of the year when we were just getting to be close. i always have the ever-present fear of being completely friendless and alone. i've been through all the cliques in my school and i', always afraid of what will happen if lana leaves me, i wont have anywhere to go.
my other best friend (let's call her bridget) is now dating one of our good guy friends. they kinda had a thing at the end of last year, and are now dating. they are cute together and i am really happy for her because she is a really amazing person and deserves it. she is so so so so cute when she like someone. omg i can't help but be all happy when i am with her when she's talking about him. its so cute!! but you know how i am (horrible) and i have that feeling like "what's wrong with me that i don't have a bf?" "why doesn't joe or bob like me?" oh, by the way, the guy situtation right now SUCKS, but i'm getting to that. anyway, i'm really happy for bridget and i hope everything works out.
guy situation: warning: this is probably the saddest, most desperate, depressing blog post that i've ever written, so hang in there and we will both make it out alive. both joe and bob are being incredibly mean to me. just flat out mean. i cant believe anyone would do that, well, i can, but i just thought that both of these guys had more intelligence than to do that. and i thought that i was smart enough to like people that had a chance of treating me decently. anyways, i'm over them, or at least i hope i am. i've been wasting my time on them for too long and i really need to focus on finding someone who will treat my well and all that. and frankly, i don't think that is anyone at my school. you guys all know i go to a really small school, so the selection there is really limited and pretty much all the guys there ar total douches. with the exception of one. when i decided that i was ove r bob and joe, i thought about aaron, who is pretty much the hottest guy in our grade (him and joe both have amazing bodies....) anyway, aaron is like THE guy at my school, you know the one with all the confidence who can do whatever he want and still be IT. but lana likes him, and according to her, things are going really well. so to hell with that one. i'm hoping that she gets over it and that nothing happens so that i can have my shot at him (i'm such a terrible friend!!) but i know so many other people would feel the same in my position. fo sho. hahaha. and when i thought that there was at least one guy that i could count on to not go crazy on me, he goes and ruins that. lets call him, doug. so he was trying to get me to tell him who i like, so naturally i was doing the same to him. he wouldn't tell me, so i just dropped it. then he texted me:
him: i'm not gonna tell you who i like
me: fine. don't (i really didn't care)
him: but it would just make everything awkwasr
me: why?
him: it would just ruin everything for us
me: why
him: ok fine. plain and simple i like you. just don't tell anyone
me: oh. ok
him: you're the only one who knows by the way
me: kk

i mean, i was kinda suspecting it because he talks to me all the time and is like my best guy friend and does whatever i ask him to and he was all secretive about who he liked, plus, sometimes you just get that feeling, you know?? so now that i know, it just ruined everything. why did he have to tell me? he is so stupid. now i can't have someone to find out who _____ likes or any insight into guy world because he like me and i can't ask him to find out who ____ likes becuase that would be SO mean!! ugh. whhy did he tell me?? and now i'm afraid that he was only my friend all this time because he liked me and not because he just wanted to be my friend. aaaaaah!!!!!! so as far as guys go, my life is a hell hole.
on a happier note, we moved my baby (horsie- five year old APHA gorgeous!!! pic here ) i looooove hime so much. anywhoose, we moved him out to an indoor arena today so i can begin preparations for my competitive season this summer. i think that i am going out there tommorow to have a lesson and get riding. i am so excited cuz i ahvn't been on since october!!! hahaha.
we also had our school talent show today (if you follow me on twitter you know that we've ben preparing for this for a long time). tweleve of us did a dance to the miley cyrus cover of cyndi lauper's "girls just wanna have fun" we wore leggings and oversize t-shirts that we cut off-the-shoulder and had hair in nside ponies and all that (i'll twitpic as soon as i get pics. so fun!) it was so much fun and a huge adrenaline high on stage!!! i have to admit, i was about to throw up just before we went on, but as soon as i was on stage all taht was on my mind was dancing, and i was so much fun!! that's why i want to model, partly, i love having people watch me, having that thrill and adrenaline and appaluase. it was amazing.
so i think that is pretty much it for now!! sorry this post took me so long to get up but now was the first time i found adequate time. i love you guys!!
~when the working day is done, oh girls, they wanna have fun!~
-cyndi lauper

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love you guys!!!

long post this weekend

i'm so sorry that i still havnt found the time for a decent post! but i promise this weekend i will!! so much stuff has happened and i8 am excited to tell you guys all about it! my talent show is tommorwo, so that will take a little stress off me. we are moving my baby (horse) out to an indoor arena this weekend so i can begin prepping for my competive season. yayayay!! hahaha i'm gonna go now but i promise that i will talk to yug guys later!! follow my twitter for more current updates (links in earlier posts)
love you guys!!
~xoxo~

So long since I've been on here...

The title says it all!! I'm so sorry guys!!! I've just been so busy lately!! And every spare sec I have goes into working out!!! I'm not even on my computer right now... But I just came to get socks so I decided to do a minipost!! Thanks for staying with me!!
Love you guys
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

birthday wishes

i wanted to take a second to say happy birthday to my mommy, whose birthday is tommorow. mom, i know we fight a lot, but i really love you and wanted to say thanks for everything you do for me, for always standing by me, even when i don't deserve it and for always being there for me. i can't think of anyone else i would want to be my mom. you are the best!!! i really love how our relationship is growing and how nice it is when we are not fighting. i really am trying, and i know i don't always show you how much i love you, but i do. i really do and i'm gonna try to show it more often. i'll try to help out more, i promise. i love you!!

so thats out of the way *sob*. some of you know that my mom and i have some issues with getting along and everything, but i am not completely fair to her. she is an amazing person who really devotes her whole life to her kids. i really just want her to know how amazing she is. and that i really do appreciate her. even if you never read this mom, i love you.

so that's that, if you have any birthday or any other kind of wishes or shoutouts, comment or email me and i can put them up for you.

fitness plan is going pretty good (minus the carbo load i had for dinner when we went out for moms bday- we are having people over tommorow night, so tonight was the "birthday dinner"). i've missed a couple days working out, but i am really hoping to make up for it tommorow, cuz i need to get back on track with my goal of being down three pounds a week. as of yesterday, i was down two, but i think i'm back where i started from not working out and eating so much. but it is a change in mind set, i think, and i really think that since my health is so important now, that i really will be able to make a positive change in my life.

~be what you wanna, don't let anything hold you back~
xoxoxo

progress...

going great so far!!!! thanks for the support!!!
by the way... i am way way way into twitter now, so i feel like i'm on that more than i'm on here:( i know!!! i'm also on the Arianna account more than the Hello Kitty one, but follow both anyways!!
~love you guys!~

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my new healthy lifestyle plan :P

so i have tried so so much to get in shape that it literally seems am impossible task. so today, i came to realize that i can try to get in shape by taking small steps and doing it completely naturally. and by naturally, i simply mean the "old fashioned" way of getting in shape- diet and excersize. for many people, myself included, finding time to work out is a challenge. and especially for those of us in my situation, without a gym membership or a way to get there, we have to rely on what we can do at home. so i am getting rid of everything i have tried before and going back to the basics.
my plan is to get up around an hour earlier every day (which means for me, 4:30ish.... yaaaay!!). when i wake up i am going to be doing yog-esque stretches, some real yoga and some things that i've created by combining yoga poses with stretches and strengthening excersizes. then i'll do some core and strength stuff. i don't plan on doing cardio much before school, and i won't always have time after, but i will try to squeezse it in wheneever possible.
as far as eating goes... i'm not going to officially be on a diet ("diets" make me feel too limited and make me feel bad whenever i eat something not in them), but i will be trying to make smarter choices. fruit vs. the carbs i am normally addicted to, and adding in more organicish foods instead of just eating crap whenever i feel like it. i also think this will work for me personally because this food is less appealing taste-wise to me, so if i tell myself all snacks i eat have to be healthy, i am likely to cut out some of the snacking i do on a daily basis... you following me here??
i am not a professsional so i don't really know that this will work, but i'll keep you updated on how everything goes. i am really just sick of feeling out of control of my body. so i am taking charge and going for it. i'm going back to the basics!!! small steps eventually add up (i'm hoping...) and my goal is to be in the best shape ever by summer, sooner would be good, but i'll really need to commit for that!!

follow me on twitter for my plan updates:
main twitter account
other twitter
youtube

video update

my vlog is about 90% done uploading asw of right now.... it is taking SOOO long. anyways i just got done filming a new vid so check that out too. i'm hoping to edit it and get that uploading as soon as my other one finishes. thanks for still reading even though i havn't had anyhting interesting for a while. i've been bust with school and family stuff and not wantin to relive my horrible days at school when i get home. i try to forget about how much the rejection of the one who was supposed to be my best friend hurts. if only she could see how each time she ignores me kills me a little inside. if only she seemed to care....

sad sad day

things are still bad with lana. i know i should, but i really do not want to go into the details, because i might just break down. so i'm trying to re publish my vlog vid and filming a new one tonight. got to go but i'll try to post agian soon.

love you

new vid is uploading

i lied. i finished the vid and it's uploading. keep an eye on my channel because it's taking a long time so i don't know when it will actually get up!!



xoxo

home home home

we are home now. i'm editing my vlog from the trip, but it probably won't be up until tommorow at the soonest. i'm so exhausted that i am pretty much just gonna go to bed soon. traveling just makes me so tired. and it was only a two hour car trip. yeah. so i'll keep you updated but my plan as of now for videos is hopefully at least one a week, but it will probably end up that i just film on low homewrok nights and edit whenever i have time. weekends will usually end up being video days. subscribe and keep checking out my channel!!

~don't be afraid of hope~
twitter
other twitter

haul video live!!

here's my haul vid. i'm getting the pics as soon as i can, so be patient. the reason that this is the only video on my youtube right now is because i took everything off to edit, and then my computer crashed, so i lost everything. i'm on my new computer now, so i'll film and gfet new stuff up soon!!
~xoxo~

haul video

Just checking out different apps

Just seeing which app I like better to blog from my iPhone

Chilaxing

Ive been busy busy busy!! Havnt had time to get my software set up and bids edited but I havnt forgot about you guys!! They're coming soon

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

mini haul and vlog coming soon!

went to marshall's with my mom, sister and aunt. so so so fun. there and TJ Maxx are probably two of my favorite stores right now. i seriously only spent $100 and got so so much stuff. i don't want to give away my haul video, but i got a Betseyville bag. yaaaaay!! i got a bunch of new hair products too, so that will be fun to expiriment and do reviews for you guys on all of those. i know my youtube has nothing on it cuz some of you know that i lost all my old files, but i'm filming all the time so i'll get some vids up soon. i have a vlog from the trip down here that i'm hopefully gonna edit and post really soon!!
Quotes from tshirts that are amazing:
~today belongs to you~
~the future begins right now~
i didn't get them beacause the actual shirts were trashy looking but the quotes were cool~~
love you!!

main twitter (i'm on this one the most, so if you only follow one, follow this one)
other twitter
youtube

yes, i am still alove, no need to file a missing persons report!!

So so sorry I know I havn’t been on in ages!!! I’ve just been so so so busy with school and it being the end of the semester and everything, plus I’ve been going to bed at an ungodly early hour (7:30 yes pm) this whole week because I’ve been getting up at 4:30 am to feed horses all week. Hahaha it sucks
So right now I’m downstate visiting my grandparents. It should be really fun. I filmed a vlog on the way down here so I’ll try to edit it and get it uploaded sometimes son (I’ll link it when its done). Right now its 4:34 on Friday, I’m writing this in word because I don’t have WiFi in the car. So I’ll get this up as soon as I can. More drama with lana and jenna, and now a new disturbance as well-- drama update to come. Right now I’m just excited for the weekend and being down here. I absolutely adore my grandparents so this should be a great weekend. It’s my two little cousins’ birthday parties as well on Sunday, so that should be fun too. I’ll update as soon as I can!!!

Love you
~be amazing~

huge ass sundae

here is the humonguos sundae i had last night. as i predicted when i made it- i felt awful when i finished it

tweet me

tweet me again

sad....

me and my mom had a huge fight today. im alomost i little better, so i don't want to go into the details, but she threatened to kick me out and send me to house of hope. sad, right? i don't think she will, but the thought is horrfifying!! plus, i basically don't get to do anything for the rest of my life... not like i get to now, but there are things that she's taking away from me. god i hate her so much. mothers are bitches right? or am i just a horrible person???

shout outs!

this is a shoutout blog to everyone on youtube that i'm watching and everything. so i know you guys don't need my help (actually its the other wat around) but i just wanted to shout out you guys:

Make-up/beauty

AllThatGlitters21
juicystar07
lollipop26
jessicaharlow
kandeejohnson

vlog:

shanedawsontv
shanedawsontv2
brittanilouisetaylor
brittani
otherjuicystar07
ellesglittergossip

love you guys!!!!!

~be real~

twitter.com/AriannaWallace
twitter.com/HelloKitty0121

story snipits part three (i think its part three??)

here is part of the snipit i just came up with. it's not the whole thing because i don't want to give anything away right now, but here is a bit from the scene that originated from watching miss congeniality (weird i know. one of my other scenes that i posted came from watching batman. the animated version)

Then I had an idea. An idea that lit a spark of hope inside me, and I clung to that hope until it became a fire. Brady had sent me with these horrible men. Brady didn’t want anything to happen to me, and he wouldn’t have let me go without knowing that he would be seeing me again soon, without knowing that I wouldn’t be with these men long. I would be with them just long enough for them to get distracted and then he would save me. But brady could get hurt. That realization hit me like a brcik. Maybe they wanted brady to come get me, and then they could take care of him, and have no one else trying to come get me. I fought with every ounce of control I had to keep from sobbing again. I hoped he knew what he was doing. I hoped he had help, at least.
I also realized that, even if I did exactly what they told me, these men still had guns, and they could still kill me. But if they wanted me dead, they would’ve killed me by now. So what did they want with me. And how did they know who I was? And they knew my middle name, too. I mean, I didn’t keep it a secret like some people, it was on my face book and everything, but I didn’t think these guys were really the social networking type. My best guess at the moment was that they were working for someone else, someone with smarts and proper funding. Someone like Dan Michaels.

so i hope you guys like it. i'm so excited to see where this goes. book people: please please please comment and help me go to the next step!!!!

love you guys
~love the people who treat you right~

twitter
other twitter

~xoxo~

random inspiration

i was watching miss congeniality and i just got a random hit of inspiration that has nearly nothing to do with the movie except that it starts with someone being sorta kidnapped/put in danger, but that doesn't really happen in the movie...
whatev, i'm going to write it now, so i don't forget it because it's gonna be really good.

happy weekend!

we spent the better part of the morning hanging out with a family friend... it was really fun. if you saw my twitter earlier today-- it was just me being all mad at my mom... we have a bunch of random fights all the time (love-hate relationship...) mostly i think it is because she doesn't understand me (typical teenager...riight?) anyway, it was mostly my fault (sorta...) hahaha i don't want to talk about it because i am in a way better mood now. weekends just make me really happy. i think i want to go bake something. i just bake when i am bored or happy, but mostly the first.
what do you love most about weekends?? sleeping in? hanging with your family? walking around in sweats for two days? partying? all the above? i know it is for me!!

hahaha love you guys

~don't be afraid of who you are~

my future as a lush junkie

so i pretty much am dying to try some lush products (link to lush website HERE. go read now!! youtube also has a bunch of lush videos from the beauty gurus)
i'm about ninety percent sure we don't have a lush store or counter where i live, so i'll have to order online, but i hate doing that!! oh well, if i reeeallly can't live without trying them for a while i will.

~xoxo~

LOOONG DAY

today was really long, but long in a good way, i think. we had dance practice again right after school, so that was fun (we are doing a dance to the miley cyrus version of cyndi lauper's "girls just wanna have fun", there are twelve of us, so it's a little crazy, fun, but crazy). we got a lot done and everything is going great. i am exhausted, though, and i have a floorburn on my elbow. other than that, though, i walked away unscathed and with a bunch of calories burned (which i promptly replaced... i am such a pig, i know).
another amazing thing is that i finally got my electric blanket for my bed. hopefully i won't wake up shivering anymore. yay!!! i got refills on my clique three-step skincare system as well! (i'll review that sometime soon-- it's amazing!!!)

i think thats all for now!!

~give out what you wanna get back~

follow me on twitter!!
my other twitter!!

oh, if you're wondering why i hacve two twitters, it's not becuase i am obsessed, but my original intent was to have blog-related things on the first (AriannaWallace) and more personal stuff on the second and just have my friends follow that one (HelloKitty0121). but, everyone at my school is most into facebook (boo to the bitch that is my mother!!! she won't let me get one!!) so no one at my school has twitter, so i kinda just update whatever one i am signed in to at the moment, and usually they just ahve the same stuff on them... follow both of them anyway!! you love me that much (right? Right......)

hahaha by guys

MY american idol

pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.

yes, by now everyone has heard General Larry Platt singing his original song, "pants on the ground". if you havn't go right NOW!!!! (click HERE for the awesomeness!!!)

unfortunately, he was too old to be on the show (he's siddy too) but i speak for many when i say that the General is MY american idol!!!! i love you larry!!!!!! ya so comment on your favorite auditions, and wheter or not you agree with all the verdicts.

yeah, all Larry Platt fans follow!! i'll update on him, because i think he is amazing!!!!

~gold in your mouth, hat turned sideways, pants hit the ground~
-General Larry Plat

follow me on twitter!!
my other twitter

ehaustion

i'm sure all of you know what i'm talking about when i say that mental exhaustion is making me physically crazy-tired. i am goinf crazy because of it. all this drama is taking a huge toll on me.

today was better... or not

jenna is such a bitch. and lana does nothing about her monopolizing her. i sat directly across from them and lana didn't say one word to me. i know i just sound like a mean, jealous, horrible person, but it hurts. anyone who has ever been in my position knows just how bad. it's killing me. i don't want to lose my best friend, the one who basically brought me back up to having cinfidence and feeling good about myself. i just hope that when jenna starts staying after school for basket ball, things will go back to normal...

~love the ones who love you back~

drama drama

yesterday's drama is no longer of importance. it was just a girls going out with someone's ex and everyone being all mad. but she broke up with him today becuase of it. today's drama is much, much worse because it involves me.
my bff (lana) had sorta been ignoring me (i thought she was mad... remember) so she had been hanging out with this girl (jenna). so jenna basicallly monopolizes her and i never get to see her anymore. she sits with her on the bus and everything so i'm like never with her anymore, and shes ignoring me. in class today, i was putting my stuff down next to lana and jenna just ignored me and plopped down next to her. i was going to sit with my other friend in the class, but she was sitting with out guy friend, so i had to sit with lana's ex. a huuuugly suckish thing. and lana didn't even seem to care about the whole thing. jenna made it worse by saying "do you want me to switch with you?" i started to get up, but she said "oh, we will later" and then she never switched with me. sh'es a bitch. and it sucks because i can't say anything to lana about it, because then it will sound like i don't want her to have other friends. i went through something like that last year, so i know how it feels, now from both ends. it sucks.
love update: i still think joe is hot, but now am leaning mostly towards bob, but he doesn't like me (confirmed by guy friends). i just can't believe that i messed it up and now i'll never get the chance back. i'm so stupid!!!!!!!!!

ugh. and, on top of it, there was this girl visiting my school today, i thought she was really pretty, and a bunch of the guys seem to think so, too, though most just said she was probably a whore. i can feel my confidence dwindling down, i was so bad at the end of last year and i came back so far!!!!!! i can't let myself go back to where i was. never again. i just have to suck it up and swallow my feelings and fake it back to the top. acting. that's what this is all about. i have to show jenna that her games don't bug me and that i will overcome her issues. everything will be fine, and i will NOT go back to my own, personal dark ages. i promised myself that and i will keep my word.
i'll just keep my confidence and not show how badly i am hurting. i have enough practice that by now it should just be second nature. yet, somehow i never feel the sting less.

~ keep it all inside, you're safe there~

fml

life sucks!! or is it just my lif?? no i am not going emo on you, but sometimes i think "why do i try so hard to have it all come crashing down on me?". everything. i need my guy back, but he's not going to come back to me. he never is. nothing is going right. and then eric, i could like him, but my best friend likes him now. but she likes someone new every five minutes. i just have to wait it out becuase nothing is ever going to happen for them. it never does, she just fantasizes. same as me, but i've never "officially" liked him, i just have in my head. it's the same, to me anyway, but different to everyone else. no one even knew. now i feel like i'm dying inside, at least right now. i don't want to be happy ever again. i just want to feel like this, to know that love is possible, without ever reaching for it, becuase that is when you get hurt. if i can just stay in the dark, alone forever, than it can't hurt so bad. can it? i don't think it will ever get better, not completely. i've been too altered by the false images that anything real hurts to bad simply by not going right. i need new people, a new atmosphere. something to break the monotonous pattern and give me something to look foreward to, to greet the dawn of each coming day as an oppurtunity, not an obligation. i need new blood to get me through. or at least something. something that preferably involves me and a very hot european. ok, the last part is negotioable. but i need something so i'm not always hurting. the only thing that saves me are my dreams...

emotion

i'm so sad right now. and not just cuz of the notebook, but everything, and the fact that i am single right now just makes life a hell of a lot better. i wish i could just pull a kristen (the hills) and escape my life for a while. wouldn't that be great.... find some random stranger, everything based off first impressions, no complications that come from knowing someone since kindergarden. none of that. and no drama. simplicity. i just need to escape my school for a while. that would be fabolous- impossible, yet amazing. i know i know. tommorow is a new day, but i just want to be sad for a while longer.

~

too lazy for a drama update

today sucked to say the least. with me being paranoid my friends were mad at me, to all the psychotic guy drama that seems to follow us girls around like a cloud... today was without a doubt the most dramatic of the year, definitely the saddest for me. i don't want to go into detail right now, but i will later. right now, i need a good, cry, so i'm going to watch the notebook, cry, and then get on with my life. crying only makes you feel better for a while, and then life sucks again until you decide to make the best of it.

~reason is one of life's myths~

fiesta con friendboy

if you didn't get the reason i call him friendboy: it's because they're not OFFICIALLY dating yet. so he's not her BOYFRIEND so he's her FRIENDBOY. dumb i know... haha. so the party was fun (CALORIEFEST!!) ya, i feel sooo fat right now. anyways it was really fun. i honestly had more fun hanging out with the adults than the kids. mostly because my sister and the friendboy were just watching our little brothers playing wii and being loud, obnoxious little boys. so me and friendboy's sister left and hung out in the kitchen with the adults. his parents are HILARIOUS and that combined with our other mutual friends combined with caffeine and sugar (omg his mom literally gets high off sugar and drunk off caffeine). so it was a crazy good time once i got away from the screaming kids.
kay i think i'm going to bed now cuz tommorow is monday (ugh don't remind me) and i have that huge science test. plus i'll probably have to start studying for midterms soon. just shoot me now.
love you! (yes i love you JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE READING THIS!!!)

~work hard today, play hard tonight~ (is that considered too sugesstive???? oh well,you can say 'play hard tommorow--keep it G rated)
love you guys~

friendboy

i can't believe i havn't posted anything about friendboy yet. see, we know this family from equestrian, and they have a son who is 15. he is not ugly, but not super good looking. anyway, my sister, who is 18, likes him and he likes her. they are not going out, which i think is really lame. it's also DISGUSTING that she is three years older!! i mean, guys can date younger and girls can date older but not the other way around, eewww!! so they're coming over. details on that fiaco tonight. he has a sister about a year younger than me, and she's nice and everything, but she has ZERO personality. it's greeeeat to talk to her. it's basically a one sided conversation. hahaha. plus she really needs a makeover. talk to you guys later.

~luv ya~

science test

ugh. huge test tommorow so this won't be too interesting. haha. it's on astronomy and stars and crap. fuuunn!! back to the nerdcave!!

another thing i forgot to mention

the little quotes and inspirational stuff at the bottom of every post (offset by ~) are little things i come up with, or sometimes quotes i've heard or from famous people or movies and stuff. they usually somehow relate to that post, but not always.
please tweet me. i know my twitter is kinda pathetic right now, but what am i supposed to say besides i'm laying in bed typing on twitter? i'm still not quite grasping the concept.
twitter.com/AriannaWallace

~i know you gotta go cuz you got things to do~
-akon

hate post: taylor swift

kay, so sorry to all you fans out there but i am SICK of taylor swift. she is f-ing everywhere you look. i hate it. plus, she looks like an asian-whore-fish. seriously, especially when she does her trying to be fierce squinty eye thing. sooo gross. taylor lautner deserves better. she is such a fake fake fake person. plus she is only popular because she is a crossover artist (another cliche i hate). if she had stayed in country where she belonged i would probably still like her. and it's not that i don't like her music- i do. it's just sooooo overplayed- i mean, i have you belong with me memorized, and i don't even like it, the whole point of that song is to make ugly freaky wierd girls feel better about themselves. taylor herself is such a cliche. i also hate how she got so many awards, it's like the girl can do nothing wrong, and now she has the perfect guy too. goooood for you taylor. keep on rocking. go fall in a hole.

sorry sorry i know no one likes to read stuff that bashes other people-even whores like her- but i just had to get that out. it's been bugging me forever and i just needed to get that creative energy out.

~love the ones who treat you right~

be uniquely you

oh. of course i remembered as soon as i just posted. but i thought this was too important not to be put up. my sister and i were talking and somehow the shakespeare quote "a rose, by any other name would smell just as sweet" came up. we were deliberating on the meaning, and decided that it means, no matter what you try to disguise yourself as, you are still you, and you cannot change yourself on the inside. this, in my life, has a two part meaning. the first, which i just took into context for what i am into at the moment- dressing up and getting all pretty with hair and makeup. no matter how i do my hair or fix my makeup and no matter what clothes i wear, i am still myself inside. that also applies to everyone who thinks modeling and acting changes people, or just fame in general. no matter what you wear or what you do, you are still you, the same you you have always been.
the second- more important meaning, i think- is that no one can change who you are. even if someone is constantly bringing you down, killing your confidence, trying to mold you to fit a shape other than your own, you are still you. remember that you have the power to fight back! don't let someone else try to make you something that is not you at all, but only an element of fiction made up by their mind. if you fight back, there is no way they can win. you cannot be changed on the inside, by anyone, so why should you act like they have changed you. no one benefits from that, they get an unnessary ego boost and you are left feeling like crap. you deserve better than that. i don't care who you are, as a human being, that is your right. and especially as a women, stand up for yourself girl! no one can change you, and you are always you, no matter what face you put on, no matter what you try to run from, or hide from, or shape yourself to be for someone else, you will always be uniquely you, there is no changing that!!
~come out of the dark~

tweeting

so this twitter thing is kinda growing on me. i still don't think i do anything interesting enough to be tweetworthy (new word haha) but it's kinda fun. i just don't get why random people would care about my life. i guess they will when i am famous (hence the name of this blog, which, by the way is still depressing me. comment with a better name). so twitter, comment and tell me what YOU put on twitter and what types of stuff you like to read tweets about

story snipits part 2

as promised, here is another story snipit. i got no response to the first one (shocker!! as of now, my user profile has all of 15 views) but here is another one anyway:

I had no memory of getting home. In fact, I probably wouldn’t have even known I was at home if kat and lexa weren’t there trying to coax me to eat. But eating was nauseating. The only thing I wanted was ice cream. Real ice cream, not pinkberry, but real ice cream. Preferably something smothered in chocolate and topped in whipped cream. But I couldn’t have that. The only thing that could make this situation any worse would be getting fat. Or so I thought.
That night after the girls had left, I got up to go get a drink. On my way downstairs, I heard voices. Dad was still in new york, so I wondered who my mom was talking to. I was positive that I’d heard a guy’s voice, so I knew she wasn’t just on the phone. I slowly crept over back from the staircase and walked over to her door. I stood there- listening for a minute. There was my mom’s voice and one I didn’t recognize. Some part of me didn’t want to know what was going on in there.

hope you guys like it!! once agian, any publishers/authors/editors etc. i'd love your advice on how to improve!!!
remember to comment, follow and tweet me!! twitter.com/AriannaWallace

~live for the moment (and tell us what that moment is, TWEET!!)~

twitter?

so i just got a twitter account. but honestly, i don't see the point of having a twitter if there are any of you guys out there who are obsessed with twitter (twitter whore haha) tell me what i'm supposed to put on it. i know you're supposed to put on what you are doing (like facebook status??)but the thing is, i don't do anything interesting enough to be updating every five seconds, you get what i'm saying? but for some reason i have no problem coming up with random things to do on here. oh well. so my twitter is AriannaWallace. check me out

~tweet me, follow me~

the best frosting you will EVER taste

better homes and gardens new cook book
no-cook fudge frosting

4 3/4 cups powdered sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup margarine or butter softened, or shortening
1/3 cup boiling water
1 tsp vanilla

mix powdered sugar and cocoa powder. add margerine or butter,boiling water and vanilla beat with an ekctric mixer on low speed till combined. beat for one minute on medium speed. cool for 20-30 minutes or until spreading consistancy. frosts top and sides of two 8 or 9 inch cake layers.

seriously, this is THE BEST frosting you will ever taste. it tastes like (suprise) fudge. it's super easy to make and tastes SOO good.
for everyone wondering- the bannana bread turned out good- i think my pride is saved

my trip through pancake hell

after the cake incident (click HERE to read about that fatal accident) my brother wanted pancakes. i was just going to make the serving size that makes 10 pancakes, but with my terminal blondeness, i misread the label and put in the 10 pancake measurment of powder, but the 30 pancake measurment of water. so then i had to add more powder so the finished pancakes would be edible. let me tell you, making pancakes is fun for about the first 6, then it is boring as hell. and i suck at flipping them- so the half that are not burned are all crinkly from being pushed together. i am rather proud of this one that i made that was nearly the size of the plate, and it retained its shape the entire time!! yes, successfully making pancakes is enough to make me feel accomplished. they tasted fine, it just took me FOREVER!!! i was so bored. i think i nearly set off the smoke alarm, too.

~learn how to read labels!~

the cake that hates me.

so i was bored this morning after my happy post and decided i wanted to make a cake. so i went into my mom's better homes cook book and found the recipe for fudge cake. it looked good so i started making it. i have this ultimate fear of electric mixers- you turn it on low and it STILL sprays stuff everywhere. so i had that going for me. but other than the crazy-messy kitchen, the actually making of the cake went fine. i put the two rounds in the oven, and then my brother decided he wanted pancakes (click HERE for that story). that whole thing backfired on me. so then it was time to try to put the cakes together. i am almost disabled when it comes to taking cakes out of pans. so the bottom layer fell apart on me. i thought i would just try to peice it together with frosting, which doesn't work if you are wondering. the next layer wasn't any better. so there i was- with both layers of the cake hating me enough that they have to fall apart. the frosting (AMAZING by the way!! recipe HERE) was not too spreadable either, i probably would've been, had i actually tried to spread it, but if i had, the cake proably would've literally exploded on me. so i settled for kinda patting on little globs of frosting.
i gave up on making it look good after this ordeal, and tried to "finish" putting on the frosting without injuring anyone. hopefully the bananna bread in the oven will be a success- otherwise my pride as a baker will be ruined. plus- i prpbably consumed a jillion calories just in frosting (yes, it is that good)the only thin is- there is a bunch of shortening in it. i absolutely abhore shortening. what even is it anyway (comment if you know) it says on the can "all vegtable shortening" take that for what you will. its just gross!!
~show yourself the love you show others~

happy weekend!

so for all you guys out there that had to go back to school from winter break, you know how i feel. it's weekend and we can finally have a good time again. anyone who has a favorite weekend activity ('activity' haha) or anything COMMENT!! i only slept in until about 9, but thats like four hours later than i usually wake up- 5(or 5:30, or 5:40. that snooze button will get you). it's bright and sunny out (snowy too, but that's unavoidable), which automatically makes me happy. one of my favorite things is waking up and listening to what's going on around me, then slowly opening my eyes to find that bright yellow light streaming through my window. it's something that only happens (right now) on the weekends. another reason i love this is because it reminds me of summer, my absolute favorite time of the year!! weekends vaguely remind me of summer, mostly because of the sleeping in- because notihng else is the same--especially not the weather!! so happy weekend everyone. don't spend it sitting in the dark-watching TV. remember how lucky you are- the sun is shining, every day is a miracle- live it right!! spend today with the people you love
~

is she mad at me??

my best friend seems really weird right now. she hasn't really been talking to me for the last half of the week, especially today. she completely ignored me on the bus to and from school today. we did talk in some of our classes, but not as much as usual, it seems like. and she hasn't answered any of my texts. should i just give her space? i don't think i did anything to make her mad, but idk what to do.

~this moment is all there is~

all this drama

the math test was easy. way easier than i was expecting. so all my flipping out was unnessesary. pretty much. according to my best guy friend (besides bob... i'll probably never like him. shall we call him "steve"??) so steve said that bob knows i like him. i asked how, thinking he had told him. steve said that it's because of the way i act around him, but i don't consciously flirt with him any more tahn i do with other guys, but i flirt with basically everyone (hahaha i know i know). but apparently he knows. great. this will only complicate things more, because he doesn't like me (i'm pretty sure at lest). so now every time we hang out, he'll think that is the reason behind it.
there's this guy at my school (it's not worth my time to give him a generic name), who is so derogitary and sexist and racist and just plain perverted and gross. if any of you out there know someone like that, my sympathies to you. and if you are like that, why? what satisfaction do you get from other people thinking you are a gross jerk? do you think it's funny? because no one is laughing.
more story snipits in a little bit.

~smile from within~

math test... ugh

right now i want to kill the bastard that invented algebra. i have a huge test tommorow. it's not like i don't understand it or that i don't think i'll do well, becuase i will, it's just that i wasted a whole night studying. but grades are important for college, right? even if i'm just planning to go to UCLA i still need good grades right?? comment your answer. i neeeeeeed good grades or my parents (mostly my mom... my dad doesn't care enough to inform himself on the status of my educcation. he only cares how much this school costs him). it's crazy. do your parents ever flip out when you get even and A-. yeah, that's how crazy we're talking here. one time i got 6/8 on some assignment, it wasn't even worth that much. but on my progress reprt the grade cam out to like a D. my mom FLIPPED out and was like "you had a D in this class.. that's soooo bad!!" and those were the only two points i got off any assignment for the whole quarter. the weird thing is- i think i would care more about my grades if my mom wasn't on me about them every time i had a test or something. if she let me have the chance to care instead of telling me what i have to to to please HER. who's life is it here? life YOUR life mother (myah-hee, myah-hoo, myah-ah, myah-haha). so anyways i've been studying FOREVER so i think i'll do well (enough.. but here's the question: for whom?. another question, does good grammar make me look smart or like a nerd? and is that even good grammar? i was never taught the who vs. whom thing. if you know comment!!)
kay i have to shove my nose back in the book for a while. anthere question: is it actually true if you sleep on an open book you absorb the material inside it? it seems kind of ludicrous (ludacris haha) to me, but it would be cool if it was true. jajaja (for my fellow spanish speakers and all the illigal immigrants. haha welcome to america)
~just live your life~

drama update

as promised, my life had turned around once agian in the course of a day... crazy right?? i've decided to like the guy from the begining of the year (let's say... Bob?). i still thinkg "joe" is really hot, but he's not worth it. i have to be serious- it's never going to happen. so i like bob again. we sat together on the bus today- my best friend and i arranged it that way because she and someone else were sitting in front of him so that was my exuse for sitting with him. it was really fun, we listened to my ipod and played games and stuff. and we were pretty close too. he even drew me a whale on the window (it's kinda our little inside joke... sorta). anyway, the last time he drew me one was in the fall when he liked me. at very least, we're back to being close friends like we were before i messed things up. oh, and in science we have lab tables that are right next to each other they look like the photo on top

so the orange seat was open today and he asked "am i sitting here?" and i said "do you want to sit there?" "and he said do you want to talk to me?" and i said "yeah". i think it's progress, not much, but it's there. joe is one of his best friends, thogh, which slightly complicates things. i've told him and my other really close guy friends that i don't really like him anymore, just think he's hot and stuff, so he knows how i feel now. i also said i like someone else now. if he's smart, he's figured out that it's him (again). but he still talks about me thinking joe is hot, which i do. and everyone knows it now, so it's going to be hard getting rid of that (again, just like it was last year). but if nothing happens, like nothing is going to) then it wil eventually die out. on that bus, joe was right behind him so there were a bunch of comments like "oh, do you like bob now??" and "i thought you had the hots for joe"
first of all, to the second, who says stuff like that anymore?? the last time i honestly heard someone say that was 1980 (and i wasn't even born there). and sadly, to the first bob said "nooooo" but it was in his crazy, joking voice so i think it was okay. if he does like me, it was just in self-defense so no one (or me) knows. and if we're just friends thats ok too, because a bunch of people asked us if we were going out in the bgining of the year, too, just because we are really close.
~don't build a wall you can't climb over~

how do i fix my ipod??

my ipod (3rd generation ipod nano) broke. at the end of the summer, it went through the washer. i pur it in a bucket of rice and it started working again around November. lat night, i was putting new music on it, so it was connected to the computer and syncing. i left it connected so it could charge and about an hourish later, when i disconnected it, it was completely black. no buttons or switching the hold switch are making it respond. i've also had it connected to my ihome and wall charger and it has not responded to either.
Please please please help!!!
i know some of you guys out there are really smart so please help!!

*~it've never too late for hope~*

movies

we practically never go to theaters to see movies. so i am reduced to waiting until they come out on DVD and sadly, i still havn't seen any of the good-looking movies from YEARS ago!! so sad. so are there any good recentish movies that you think i just HAVE to see?? comment and tell me. thanks.
if you're not following mysocalledundeath you have to go there RIGHT NOW!! you probaby want to read the book first, tho. (Generation Dead and Generation Dead, Kiss of Life by Daniel Waters). the blog is a really cool addition to the books.
if you have any ideas for me to talk about tell me!!! i'm only on like day 5 of blogging and i might be running out of things to talk about? but then again, this is me we're talking about here, so i'll probably think of something more interesting as soon as i post this. yeah, i'm just cool like that. hahaha riiiight. if you need any advice or anything post a comment and i'll do my best to help. i'm all about you guys so feel free to ask anything!!

~never apologize for getting what you deserve~

still no readers??

i have to admit-- it's mildy horrifying (haha mean girls) that no one is reading this. i thought i would have at least a couple views by now. oh well. if you are out there- please please comment and follow!!

~every girl is a princess~

today's drama

remember the older guy my friend has been talking to? he said he kinda likes some people at his school but he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. she feels really bad now. i'm sad that she's upset but i'm kinda glad it didn't work out. i can't stand when my friends are dating people and i'm not. yes, you do not need to tell me what a terrible friend i am. but i honestly think that most girls in this situation would've reacted the same way i did. we're insecure right now and need reassureance, and sometimes that reassurance is that we are just as good or better than our friends, and when things don't work out for them, it a part of us happy that they couldn't get the guy, either

~be amazing~

love life part 2

i know i know. but i warned you about this. so there's this guy and we had a thing at the begining of this year. he stopped liking me like a day after he told me he did (but he'd liked me for like two months before that). i guess just because i wanted to go out i was really clingy. riiight. he had a thing with my best frined at the end of last year. so now, as a result, we both have remaining feelings for him. i think i might like him agian because of my desicion to stop liking the other guy (joe). but don't know if it's worth going through all that crap only to get hurt again. i hated him for a long time becasue of what happened this fall. but i think i can make it work this time- if i don't screw it up. and if i can get him to like me again. so my life is hell, what about yours?? if you have any advice about this comment pleeeeeezz!!! i'm begging here (so unattractive, i know but what else can i do??)
"life sucks and then you die, yeah i should be so lucky"
-- jacob black
(sorry for the twilight quote- i promise i'm not obsessive- i just heart jacob!!)

~be amazing~

my love update!!

so i don't think i fully explained my "love" situation yet. and why should i waste the time? it's always changing. my friends and i can barely keep up with each other's. so before today, i liked this guys (for privacy, let's call him joe). he is totally goergoous (-the acne scars, but he is definitely the best in our grade). anyway, i liked him last year, and he found out and called me "fat and disgusting". you just don't say that to a girl, no matter what they look like. so anyway then i went on this whole workout obsession so only i benefitted- but still. so i ahted him for a wihle, until about three weeks ago. then i started liking him again. i don't know why, especially since he supposedly likes someone else. whatever. we have hung out a little in school, mostly just because we have mutual friends. he seemed nicer this year, smart and really funny. and i still think he is, it's just not really worth my time and energy going after someone who doesn't like me, probably never will and who is primarily intersted in sports and his friends. and he knows i like him now, because i'm really bad about keeping it a secret when i like someone. he hasn't made a move yet, so he probably never will. i just don't think he's worth it. i think i'll always have a little thing for him, but it's going to be way better for me in the long run if i just get over him. it would hurt really bad if he dated someone else, though. because he knew i liked him adn still didn't want me. but it's going to be better this way. i just have to keep reminding myself that. hopefully everything will work out.
some people are really good at being single. i am not one of them. i have gone out with weird random people just to avoid being single. ii'm always sad and lonely when i'm not dating someone. and i hate seeing ny friend's lives going right when mine is going wrong.or not even wrong- just that i'm single. i'm not always jealous of WHO they are dating, just that they are dating someone, and that i am not. it's a pretty depressing thought. yeah.
i have to go do the wonderful, joyous thing they call homework
don't forget to comment and follow!!
~everyone deserves a glass slipper~

boarding school??

so i've been thinking about boarding school, kinda just as a joke and because it sounds like fun. but tonight i did a little research just to get my feet wet and see what's out there. there are so many schools out there!!!!!! i'm looking for somewhere that has a good english/literature (like writing etc...) program and a place with a super strong equestrian program, possibly with boarding. also acting/ theater. here's where it gets tricky. i know we won't be able to afford it without some kind of financial aide/scholarship. and i don't even know if this is something i want to do yet, it's just an idea. so do you guys know of any good schools that you attend or know someone who does?? i'm looking to go somewhere in (southern) california, england (anywhere but preferably somewhere with mild winters) or new york (concrete jungle where dreams are made of. there's nothing you can't do....). so do you know of anywhere good to look into or any scholarships (or somewhere with them -full ride??-)thanks so much for all your help

name change

you probably noticed i changed the name of this blog from "the hopeless life of undiscovered talent" to "the life of the young and hopeless" (name of a really old Good Charlotte album, i know, but i listen to EVERYTHING, remember, so ancient history somehow made it onto my iPod). it was really late when i came up with the original name and after some though i decided it just sounded too emo for my style. no offense to all slasher-types out there, its just not my style. i feel like this name could potentially get me more hits, (or not but positive thinking has been known to work....). i had a brilliant stroke of genius (or you could call it luck...) earlier today. my future book acctually has a plotline now!! haha, yeah, some writer i am. and i don't know if it will be any good, but we'll see. i think it has some promise. leave comments for anyhting you have questions about etc. (or just say hi. i hope someone's actually reading this....haha) more comment especially if you want to see more snipits or i won't waste my time posting them (even though i'll probably end up posting them once i run out of things to talk about.... hahaha my i never carry out my threats- even in cyber space, so you're stuck reading my snipits. mwahahaha!!). kay well i'm officially going crazy. and there is where the "hopeless" part of the new title comes in. ha. would it be weird if i changed it to "very very hopeless"?? hahah blogging is fun. its like a journal but better. have you ever had a journal and wrote hateful crap in it and wanted the person you wrote about to see to see it, but like by accident, so they don't get mad? me, i'm like that in all my journals i've ever had, so as far as my writing goes, blogging isn't any different for me becasue i'm used to talking like i'm writing a letter or whatever. and i get my fix of people reading it, but none of my friends/family get hurt. perfcect... right?? hahaha i'll go now. oh, before i forget, if anyone has advice about what to do about being so jealous of my friend and her possible future bf, comment!! it will likely amount to nothing, but if it's something i will probably lose my mind with jealousy!! and i don't want to be that jealous best friend, so HELP!! i love my best friend, it's always just hard when the people around you have the things you want, you know? like my sister is pretty much dating the guy that i had a liked earlier this summer. that's really hard for me to see and be around. they're on the phone right now. advice on that too?? btw, if i ever refer to "friendboy" that's who i'm talking about because he hasn't officially asked her out yet, but they like each other and hang out all the time, so yeah, plus it bugs her when i call him that. and isn't it slightly gross that she is 18 and he is 15?? i think its ok for a girl to date older but definitely not older!! why? personally it's because the guy has to be the one to protect the girl and have more life expirience and stuff, and so he ages before her so she is always more beautiful than him. and it's just the principal of the thing. ok i'm going now before i can bash anyone else i love."
"be love"-- jason mraz

story snipits part 1

as promised here is a snipit from my current writing:

There was always that element of danger. And now- of course was no exception. I had always wanted something like this to happen. His dark eyes kept flashing with the strobe light- like pulsing stars. It was beautiful and incredibly erotic. I felt like the music was beating through me- my body was pulsing with the beat but slightly off- more in time with his body than the actual music. We were dancing to a beat all our own, not something we heard but felt. Even though it was invisible, we were both in perfect timing and perfectly in sync. Something blinded me at that second- a bright flash of silver. For half a second- I thought that id fallen and was staring up into a strobe light or something. It took me a second to realize that I was still standing and the falsh of light was the newly lowered disco ball reflecting off the sequins on my top. I barely missed a beat and we were back on the same wavelength before a second passed, he had compensated for my stop and was now back in perfeect timing. It was the biggest high id ever had. A total rush. I was uber- reluctant to leave the club. I was fighting with myself- trying to decide whether or not to brave the wrath of my parents for a few more precious minutes with him. In the end- lexa decided for me. She all but dragged me out of the club. I knew that it was the right desion on both accounts- I had to leave him wanting more. Before we left- I walked over to him- on beat and real slow- and gave him a hug- letting my lips linger on him a second longer than what should’ve been appropriate for a first kiss. I walked away, keeping him hand in mine then dropping it as I walked away, leaving him with the piece of paper I’d had there. It had my number- but no name. names complicated things and I wasn’t ready for that yet. I felt his eyes on me as I strode away and I fought my instincts. And I won. I didn’t look back at the god on the dancefloor. Not once.

i have more where this came from. please comment with any ideas or critisism. if you're a real writer or publisher or editor or even office assistant in that industry please please comment and tell me how to improve this!!
*~be amazing~*

is anyone out there??

so i was just thinking about all the blogs and vlogs and twitters and youtube channels and everything that's out there and i'm just wondering if anyone id ever even gonna read this?? first of all, if you are reading this, you are amazing. tell your friends. comment to let me know someone is reading. cuz seriously, i would feel like a total ass if no one is even reading this. it may help me, but none of you know what's going on with the future stars of the world? hahaha. if you don't believe it it won't happen. then again, if you believe it and it doesn't happen, then you're setting yourself up for failure. oh well. and if you were wonderingm the interesting stuff will start as soon as something happens, or whatever. as for the witing stuff- leave me a comment for a prompt or story idea/inspiration or anything. just let me know what you want me to rave about and all that. i'll post some of the current things i'm writing later.
please please please comment and let me know you're there!!!

boys boys boys

so i'm single, big deal right? and it's not like i'm terminally single or anything like that, but when you're at a school as small as mine, everyone knows everything about everybody, so it's kind of annoying. plus, all the guys at my school are pretty immature and only care about sports (sigh). and of all three cute guys, one of them is too short and the otehr two have acne (sigh again. daaang, i'm depressed today. hahaha) and it doesn't help that i just found out my best friend has been talking to this guy from another school,and he's a year older than us. i'm hoping they go out, because that is the condition she agreed to set me up with one of his friends. i guess it just annoys me that she gets moer guys than me. and she's not even THAT pretty. she is pretty, but not gorgeous. not enough for him to "notice her in church" but i guess she is. oh, before i forget, check me out on FML (www.fmylife.com). some of my posts will be the same, but i'm trying to keep this (mostly) positive, so i'll put bad stuff on there. my blog is pretty much going to be the place where i vent, fantasize and otherwise get out my pent up creative energy (i know that sounds weird, but a journal just wasn't working, plus, writing cramp... can you say ouch??)
i'll update when anything else interesting happens (unlikely... but i can hope)
aaah, the joys of homework!!!
have a good day~~

first post

so this is my first post. i'm gonna keep it short because i have to wake up super early tommorow (ugh. school). this blog is basically going to be a tribute to my life that hasn't happened yet (but hopefully will). does that make me sound like a self-absorbed loser?? oh well. i'm gonna be using this sorta like a journal and place for venting, but also a place to ask for comments about my writing, mostly just to get it out there. i'll try to post every other day at least!!

Thanks for reading!!!