Friday, February 5, 2010

my super long, much overdue post... it's finally here!!

hey everyone!! i'm so sorry it's been forever since i've had a real post, and i'm so so sorry, but thanks for hanging in there! i'm back now and i have so much information that you will probably fall asleep before reading all of it, so bear with me because it is all very juicy and awesome... if you like that sort of thing... but really, who doesn't??
so i guesss i'll start of with lana. things are back to normal with us. all the drama from a while ago (was it last week?? time seems to go by so fast, yet so slow, and once something happens i completely lose all track of time... here i go, see? anyways...) really brought us close again because we were on the same side of the whole argument and really, and i know this is terrbible, but us bitching about other people and complaining about them and all that brought us together, so i'm really thanful to all the bitches in my school who are able to bring me and lana back together. snaps for all of you guys! and jenna is basically out of the picture now. i mean, she still tries to be all over lana, but only when none of her other more popular friends are not around. she does the same thing with me, and did all last year, she basically only talks to the most popular person in each given situation, sometimes lana, sometimes me, but mostly neither. even though lana and i are friends again, i still second guess myself sometimes, like i did at the begining of the year when we were just getting to be close. i always have the ever-present fear of being completely friendless and alone. i've been through all the cliques in my school and i', always afraid of what will happen if lana leaves me, i wont have anywhere to go.
my other best friend (let's call her bridget) is now dating one of our good guy friends. they kinda had a thing at the end of last year, and are now dating. they are cute together and i am really happy for her because she is a really amazing person and deserves it. she is so so so so cute when she like someone. omg i can't help but be all happy when i am with her when she's talking about him. its so cute!! but you know how i am (horrible) and i have that feeling like "what's wrong with me that i don't have a bf?" "why doesn't joe or bob like me?" oh, by the way, the guy situtation right now SUCKS, but i'm getting to that. anyway, i'm really happy for bridget and i hope everything works out.
guy situation: warning: this is probably the saddest, most desperate, depressing blog post that i've ever written, so hang in there and we will both make it out alive. both joe and bob are being incredibly mean to me. just flat out mean. i cant believe anyone would do that, well, i can, but i just thought that both of these guys had more intelligence than to do that. and i thought that i was smart enough to like people that had a chance of treating me decently. anyways, i'm over them, or at least i hope i am. i've been wasting my time on them for too long and i really need to focus on finding someone who will treat my well and all that. and frankly, i don't think that is anyone at my school. you guys all know i go to a really small school, so the selection there is really limited and pretty much all the guys there ar total douches. with the exception of one. when i decided that i was ove r bob and joe, i thought about aaron, who is pretty much the hottest guy in our grade (him and joe both have amazing bodies....) anyway, aaron is like THE guy at my school, you know the one with all the confidence who can do whatever he want and still be IT. but lana likes him, and according to her, things are going really well. so to hell with that one. i'm hoping that she gets over it and that nothing happens so that i can have my shot at him (i'm such a terrible friend!!) but i know so many other people would feel the same in my position. fo sho. hahaha. and when i thought that there was at least one guy that i could count on to not go crazy on me, he goes and ruins that. lets call him, doug. so he was trying to get me to tell him who i like, so naturally i was doing the same to him. he wouldn't tell me, so i just dropped it. then he texted me:
him: i'm not gonna tell you who i like
me: fine. don't (i really didn't care)
him: but it would just make everything awkwasr
me: why?
him: it would just ruin everything for us
me: why
him: ok fine. plain and simple i like you. just don't tell anyone
me: oh. ok
him: you're the only one who knows by the way
me: kk

i mean, i was kinda suspecting it because he talks to me all the time and is like my best guy friend and does whatever i ask him to and he was all secretive about who he liked, plus, sometimes you just get that feeling, you know?? so now that i know, it just ruined everything. why did he have to tell me? he is so stupid. now i can't have someone to find out who _____ likes or any insight into guy world because he like me and i can't ask him to find out who ____ likes becuase that would be SO mean!! ugh. whhy did he tell me?? and now i'm afraid that he was only my friend all this time because he liked me and not because he just wanted to be my friend. aaaaaah!!!!!! so as far as guys go, my life is a hell hole.
on a happier note, we moved my baby (horsie- five year old APHA gorgeous!!! pic here ) i looooove hime so much. anywhoose, we moved him out to an indoor arena today so i can begin preparations for my competitive season this summer. i think that i am going out there tommorow to have a lesson and get riding. i am so excited cuz i ahvn't been on since october!!! hahaha.
we also had our school talent show today (if you follow me on twitter you know that we've ben preparing for this for a long time). tweleve of us did a dance to the miley cyrus cover of cyndi lauper's "girls just wanna have fun" we wore leggings and oversize t-shirts that we cut off-the-shoulder and had hair in nside ponies and all that (i'll twitpic as soon as i get pics. so fun!) it was so much fun and a huge adrenaline high on stage!!! i have to admit, i was about to throw up just before we went on, but as soon as i was on stage all taht was on my mind was dancing, and i was so much fun!! that's why i want to model, partly, i love having people watch me, having that thrill and adrenaline and appaluase. it was amazing.
so i think that is pretty much it for now!! sorry this post took me so long to get up but now was the first time i found adequate time. i love you guys!!
~when the working day is done, oh girls, they wanna have fun!~
-cyndi lauper

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