tommorow...

just so you guys know... i won't be on anything tommorow cuz i'm going to a party at my friends from after school tommorow to sat. morning then going to ride straight after... so i wont be on here probly until saturday afternooon.... i know. kill me now having all those tweets to read when i get back.... :(!!! oh well.... real life is calling.
pics of my teeth are on twitter, but not here yet... be patient i'll get them up as soon as i can.
love you guys!!
~xoxo~

Lent

i'm catholic, and as today is fat tuesday (...), ash wednesday is tommorow, beginning lent (the 40 day, well actually 44 day cuz sundays don't count)prelude to the easter season. no don't quote me on this, cuz i'm not positive, but i'm pretty sure most christian denominations celebrate lent, and practice "giving something up for lent" correct me if i'm wrong. so i'm not trying to push my religion on you or anyhting like that, just explaining what i'm doing and why. we give up things for lent as a sign of reverence (i don't really know if that is the right word...) or respect (maybe) or just to suffer as Jesus did for 40 days when he was in the desert with nothing to eat or drink. us giving something up is basically us saying that we are going to suffer for 40 (44) days like He did. so, in my theme of fit, healthiness, all that shit, i am giving up desserts and trying to really throw myself into my commitment to eat healthy and work out. i am hoping that having this religious affiliation to my diet will work (it has to) and that i will be able to keep off the desserts after lent is over. i know that i am capable of doing the cuz i did it in 6th grade with a friend. my sister is doing it with me this year. i find that everything, but this in particular is easier when you do it with someone else. like my friend and i were able to "suffer" together and encourage each other. and like when we would get a treat in school or something, we would both mot be able to have it, vs. only one of us being left out... get it?
i am saying goodbye to desserts tonight, and i know gorging is bad and everything, but i ahve to et rid of all the shit in the house, so i'm eating brownies tonihgt and then probably bringing the rest of my cookies to school in the morning (wait, thursday cuz i'm not going to school tommorow!!). ya, so i am actually really excited for this!!! it is one thing that will really work, for sure. i am also adding into my lenten thing is no unessesary snacking (to kidna show me what people in other countries go through).
i am also aware that your act of lenten "fasting" i guess it's called, is supposed to benefit someone else in some way, but the only thing i can think of is that the world will benefit by having a more attractive person to look at. does that count? i'm still doing this, regardless. so i think that's it. here is a link to a video that will better explain the purpose (kinda) of lent and fasting and all that. i am not following this exactly ,just my own interpretation of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbrwXLLCZxo
go check it out.
question time: what are you and your friends/family doing for lent?
if you are not christian, what do you believe in?
if you have any questions about lent or my faith in general, let me know.

there are lots of ways to get in contact with me, so don't be shy guys!! twitter, e-mail, this blog, youtube....

follow me on twitter for updates on how this is all going for me (i have a twitter gadget on top of this page now, so check there for my most recent tweets). i guess i'll talk to you guys later then!!
~only jesus~

you all know i'm getting my braces off tommorow (i'm physched!!!) so i'm definitely going to twitpic them and do before and afters and stuff, but i'll try to get them up on here, too!! check back often!!

~xoxo~

good morning...

woke up at 4:20 today... comtemplating whether or not to work out... i don't really want to, nor do i have the energy to, but i really need to. and also if i do, than i have a better excuse for an eas vs. having just fruit again... blech. i mean, i like fruit but it's not as appealing to me as chocolate or carbs.... mhm, carbs:(... *sigh* i was also thinking about having strawberry yogurt (does that count as fruit? it's only 60 cals so it can be whatever i want it to...). writing this post has made me realize that i need to work out today, so i'm going to go do an easy, quick one then have yogurt and fruit for breakfast... blah to following the rules!!

btw you guys... i get my breaces off tommorow!!! yay!! be excited!!!!!

~xo~

omg omg!! and frutarian dinner

omg you guys... twitter is down!!! hahaha i'm slowly becoming a twitter whore... well not so much becoming anymore. i guess i am one officialy now. i am officially addicted to twitter. and i only have like 16 followers right now. but what can i say...
so my frutarian dinner was some apple slices. pretty delish. i skipped lunch officially cuz i had my eas shake and did some cheating while i was baking today, but other than that i am pretty happy! i'm proud of myself for only eating as much as i did. *pat myself on back*. hahahaha i really need a jumprope. i'm sad cuz i though we had a bunch, but they are currently MIA, so now i can't do all the intense cardio that i need to :( i also like to type that out... idk why, so *sad face*. makes me sound like an even bigger twitter whore. hahaha ok that's it for now. off to search for a jumprope....

support my addiction!!

"night"

if you have not read "night" by elie wiesel, go read it right now! i finished it a while back, but was just copying sentances i love out of it, so i remembered it. it is honestly one of the most life changing books i have ever read. and that says something, coming from a twilight addict. i love this book and every single element of it really paints the horrible picture of the holocost. oh, i love it. yeah. go read it. now. i'm kinda likeing this book reivew thing. maybe i'll do more.
~xoxo~

frutarian day 1- breakfast

for breakfast today i had one cup of seedless green grapes. one cup is actually a lot. for normal sized grapes it was about 50, so depending on the size of the grape, one cup is usually about 40-50 grapes. i'm also going to be doing the thing where you can basically eat whenever you're hungry, but you have to wait 30 minutes between meals or snacks. this is to make sure you are acutally still hungry, not just bored and snacking for something to do. as far as reaching this weeks goal by wednesday pound wise, probably not going to happen this week. i'm back up pretty heavy right now :( but i'm working out all the time, so it should get better... i hope. i am not any less motivated, so that's good. i think it will just take a little more time than i had hoped, but my three pound/week goal is still in place, so i'm hoping to get back on track with that. i think that's it as far a my frutarian-ness. also, you eat only fruit, if you were wondering, but you can have other stuff a little but, like for school i'd still have a sandwich so i don't look anorexic, but primarily fruit. it was really hard for me to leave my protein shake in the fridge, cuz i really wanted one, but i had to say no, so i'm proud of myself for that. ok, that's it for now. theoretically, i should also be more hydrated, because fruit has so much water in it, that's why there are so little calories, and i'm trying to drink more water as well, which will help to kick hunger a little. if you have any questions about any of this, e-mail, twitter, dm on twitter, message on youtube... you get it. there's plenty of ways to reach me.
~xoxo~
follow and subscribe on everything... i'm just too lazy to put the links in this post, so go back a couple.

all night part 2

i fell asleep from 4:50ish to 9 am. which isn't what i was planning to do, but at least i didn't stay sleeping until afternoon. i think it is actually good that i got 5 hours of sleep, so i can see how i function on this, then get down to nothing sometime in the future. it was kinda fun, though. ya. i'm also a frutarian now, sorta... so i'll update on that. i just kinda wanted to keep the posts separate... ocd, i know.
~xoxo~

my all night adventure

so i accomplished this staying up all night deal... it is now 4:15 am, the time i normally try to get up for school. i kinda feel stupid though, cuz i didn't really accomplish anyhting tonight, all i did was watch videos. but whatever. so let's see if i can make it through today. i might go to sleep for a little while right now. i'm trying to decide if i want to just sleep all day, or have a normal day and just go to be really early tonight to make up for missing sleep. i don't really know. maybe i'll be fine just trying to stay on my same schedule. idk. it's really fun though, i mean, maybe it's just because it's a change in the routine of things, but i love it. i love change. i embrace it. like how i'm loving my new room setup. that makes this whole staying up all night thing even better cuz it's something new added to the already newness. hahaha can i make up words on here? whatever, i will. i'm kinda getting a headache right now, or maybe i'm just tired. or maybe the bandana in my hair is too tight. probably all three. if i go to sleep now, i probly won't wake up until afternoonish, which is bad becuase i'm supposed to go ride with my trainer, and she's kind of a morning person. so mayber i could stay awake through that, but i don't know what time it's gonna be. drinking water to help fuel thought. my legs kill.4:21. 4:22. i havn't thought of anyhting to say for the past minute, there's a first. so i think i'm gonna finish the holiday, which i havn't finished yet. i think i just get bored with movies sometimes.... i don't know. whatever. kinda have a stomach ache now. does that mean i need sleep? i've never done this before to expirience the side effects. i mean, like i've stayed up into another day before, and there's always been sleepovers and stuff, but i've never stayed u[ throught the night with the intention of not sleeping. i feel so b.a. right now. and i'm not even doing anything bad. starting the frutarian thing today. should be an interesting expirience. but when i eat fruit all the time, like at school and stuff for all my snacks, i will randomly start craving carbs. like i'll really want goldfish or cheez-its or my special k crakcers instead of fruit. cuz even when fruit is really good, you have to get sick of it after a while and want to eat crap. but it's good for you, so i'll try to hang in there. i'm just excited to try it and see how it works out.i think i might just close my eyes for a little bit, but not long cuz i wanna see if i can function with no sleep. so far, i've been good up until now with only having that little hour nap. i'll update with how this little adventure goes...

random update

i am basically only writing this because i've lost three (gasp!) followers today, presumably because i have been blowing up twitter with all my randomness. so now i'm writing a post. hahaha. so bowling with the family was fun, but i got a massive headache from the smokey smell. i forgot to wear nasty clothes, too, because our bowling alley at home is new and has never had any smoke in it, so that's the one we always go to. i woke up really sore today, like i couldn't move, but despite that, i worked out again today and it was amazing. ya. working out is good. hahaha. i'll probably feel like hell tommorow. oh well. i kinda like being sore though, cuz it means you are actually doing something and you can feel the effects of your efforts, you know? maybe it's just me, but i like the feeling. plust you can be like "ugh i'm so sore from working out" and it makes you sound all cool and healthy. maybe i'm the only one who sees the enjoyment of telling people that. oh well. also, i'm thinking of another name change for the blog, so give me your ideas for that! as you know from twitter, i'm all sad cuz i had to leave "valentine's day" cuz my friend go sick, so send me your links to watch online!! thanks. i'm also contemplating pulling an all night, which i think i will do know, just cuz i don't have school tommorow and it sounds fun. also, if i do the frutarian thing (just to try it out) do i have to eat ALL fruit, like that's it, or is it just MOSTLY fruit? can i still have my protein shakes? it seems like you'd need something besides just fruit to get other vitamins and shit. let me know health experts! i'm feeling my developing thigh muscles. they are coming along nicely:P is that weird?? this is one of my longest posts in a while. maybe then i'll be out of random thoughts for twitter. that was basically the only point of this post. ok. love you guys! oh, happy 7th birthday to my little brother, love you baby!! hahaha and happy valentine's day to everyone if i don't get back on here before midnight!! don't forget valentine's day links!!!
~a day in the life of love...~
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love you guys, xoxo

happyish valentines day!

happy (...) valentine's day everyone. i woke up in a surprisingly good mood today. watched ps i love you last night, so now i have the soundtrack and its AMMAZING!! haha. sos luckily i'm gonna be pretty busy tonight cuz, you guys know, it's my little brother's burthday, so we are going bowling with a couple of my aunts and cousins and out to lunch to celebrate. si that should be good. then we are going to church tonight and then i'll be finishing my movie marthon and i'm gonna watch "valentine's day" tonight. i've held myself off so i can see it today!! so what are you guys' plans today? anyone have an actual valentine? anyone as hopless as me? anyone just not care? i'll post back later to tell you how deppressing or hopefully not my day was! love you guys!
~don't be afraid to love~
xoxo

and to add to my already fabulous day...

so when i got home i didn't know friendboy was here so naturally i went right for the chocolate and the only thing we had were peannut m&ms. i had a huge handful and the he walks in the room and comes over to hug me. he is deathly allergic to peanuts, so i start flipping out and run outside, spit the m&ms in the snow and run baarefoot, through the snow to the back door and brush my teeth (twice) mouthwash (twice) and wash my hand (twice) and change my clothes. i put my hair up, too but i don't know if that makes a difference. he is fine now, but i was panicked.
and almost killing someone defintely adds to my feel good mood. so now i really need the sad movies and chocolate, except, oh wait, i can't have chocolate without risking almost killing friendboy (again). if i didn't feel like total shit before, i definitely do now. fml. i feel like shit and no one wants me.

The most depressing day of the year...

So... Valentines day. The most depressing day of the year for us singles, and the people like my mom, who's husbands army exactly the romantic type. So, to start my annual bout of valentinesday deporession, friendboy was waiting for my sister outside of her work with a dozen red roses. Sounds like something out of a movie, right?incredibly romantic for her, incredibly deppressing for me. So now here I am, listening to my extra deppressing lovey playlist and ready to burst into tears. It makes me want to cry not only because he did that for her, bur also that he's my age, and because none of the guys that I have a chance with would ever do something like that for me. And that's killing me. My mom told me "oh your time will come" and that brings our my huge phobia of being terminally alone. What if my time never does come?? What then?? The actual day of valentines day shouldn't be too bad cuz it's my brothers birthday, and my aunt and uncle and cousins are coming up, so I'll have a few distractions I guess. I'm going to watch a bunch of really romantic depressing movies, bawl my eyes out then go to sleep and hope life doesn't suck so much in the morning... like I'm ever that lucky.

mini post

sorry i dont have time for a realy post right now, but more shit is up with lana. i don't really know what yet, but briget feels it too, and it sucks. more later

ok i know this is dumb, but i need your help!

here is the first draft for my term paper for my earth science class. it kinda sucks right now, but i am just looking for feedback and maybe additional information. if any of you guys are survivors or know someone who is, a firsthand account would be amazing. thank you so much for your help!!! (btw- my topic is Hurrican KAtrina)

On august 29, 2005, the lives of fifteen million people were changed forever. Many people died, were uninjured and evacuated from their homes, leaving everything behind as a result of a category five hurricane, Hurricane Katrina. She swept upon the gulf states wreaking havoc with her. Hurricane Katrina was one of the most devastating disasters in our recent history.
a Hurricane is an intense low pressure area that forms over warm ocean waters in the summer and early fall. They obtain their energy from water vapor which is evaporated from the ocean surface. Water vapor is able to fuel hurricanes because it releases the "latent heat of condensation" when it condenses to form clouds and rain, warming the surrounding air. Usually, the heat released in this way in tropical thunderstorms is carried away by wind shear, which blows the top off the thunderstorms. But when there is little wind shear, this heat can build up, causing low pressure to form. The low pressure causes wind to begin to spiral inward toward the center of the low. These winds help to evaporate even more water vapor from the ocean, spiraling inward toward the center, feeding more showers and thunderstorms, and warming the upper atmosphere still more. The showers and thunderstorms where all of this energy is released are usually organized into bands (sometimes called "rainbands" or "feeder bands"), as well as into an "eyewall" encircling the center of the storm. The eyewall is where the strongest winds occur, which encircle the warmest air, in the eye of the hurricane. This warmth in the eye is produced by sinking air, which sinks in response to rising air in the thunderstorms. The winds diminish rapidly moving from the eyewall to the inside of the relatively cloud-free eye, where calm winds can exist. Hurricane Katrina was a category five hurricane, reaching speeds of one hundred sixty-five miles per hour when it hit Miami, Florida.

The effects of Hurrican Katrina were devastating. The city most effected was New Orleans, Louisiana. Hurricane Katrina was the indirect cuase of some health problems of victims due to the oils spills, sewage leaks and chemicals that poisoned the flood water that swept throught the affected cities. The huricane also polluted groundwater reserves, which are a major source of drinking water. Most of the roads in New Orleans were destroyed as a direct result of the Hurricane. the levees(A levee is an embankment made to protect the city from water overflow) in the city of New Orleans were able to withstand the hurricane, but some levees were replaced with two foot thick walls, which collapsed during the hurricane.
Over one thousand, eight hundred people lost their lives due to Hurricane Katrina, and even more lost their homes and possesions. There was complete chaos after the hurricane due to lack of clean water, food, and sanitary hygiene, and many people suffered psychological stress and emotional turmoil due to the hurricane and the living conditions afterward. Many people lost, temporarily or permanently, their friends and family members as a result of Hurricane Katrina. 78,000 people were put into emergency shelters and many of the residents of New Orleans had to be evacuated to Texas.
Being prepared for a hurricane is the best way to protect yourself and your family from experiencing the devastating effects of a hurricane. Make a family plan so everyone in your family knows what to do in the event of a hurricane. Discuss things such as your home’s vulnerability to hurricanes. It is a good idea to have an out of state contact such a family member or friend that you will be able to go to in the event of a disaster. If you have pets, know what you are going to do with them in the event of a disaster. Create a disaster supply kit, filled with things such as non-perishable food, water bottles, flashlights, batteries and a first aid kit, along with any necessary medications for the people in your family. You also should have copies of important documents, toiletry items and a telephone. Being prepared is the best way to protect your family and yourself from the devastating effects of a hurricane.

thanks for sticking through that-- so not interesting, i know!! love you guys!!!
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riding my baby!! (haha that's what she said!!)

so i went out to ride this morning and it was absolutely incredible to be back on my horse. i mean, i expected him to be horrible after all this time off, but he was far from it!! oh my god, i've missed riding so much, and i don't give my boy enought credit for being onyl FIVE and already a grand champion (from last year when he was FOUR!!! his first year showing, too!!) i'm so proud of him and i love him so much and i just wanted to tell all of oyu guys about that amazing expirience. none of you without and equestrian background will understand this, but those of you who have one will know what i am talking about exactly when i talk about the amazing feeling of being perfectly in sync with another being, and the empowering feeling of controlling one. it is so amaizng, and the high of being in that arena is incomprable. okay i sound like a douche right now, but still, i am just so happy with how this is all turning out. this is going to be a great year for us!!

~i love my boy~
xoxoxo
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my super long, much overdue post... it's finally here!!

hey everyone!! i'm so sorry it's been forever since i've had a real post, and i'm so so sorry, but thanks for hanging in there! i'm back now and i have so much information that you will probably fall asleep before reading all of it, so bear with me because it is all very juicy and awesome... if you like that sort of thing... but really, who doesn't??
so i guesss i'll start of with lana. things are back to normal with us. all the drama from a while ago (was it last week?? time seems to go by so fast, yet so slow, and once something happens i completely lose all track of time... here i go, see? anyways...) really brought us close again because we were on the same side of the whole argument and really, and i know this is terrbible, but us bitching about other people and complaining about them and all that brought us together, so i'm really thanful to all the bitches in my school who are able to bring me and lana back together. snaps for all of you guys! and jenna is basically out of the picture now. i mean, she still tries to be all over lana, but only when none of her other more popular friends are not around. she does the same thing with me, and did all last year, she basically only talks to the most popular person in each given situation, sometimes lana, sometimes me, but mostly neither. even though lana and i are friends again, i still second guess myself sometimes, like i did at the begining of the year when we were just getting to be close. i always have the ever-present fear of being completely friendless and alone. i've been through all the cliques in my school and i', always afraid of what will happen if lana leaves me, i wont have anywhere to go.
my other best friend (let's call her bridget) is now dating one of our good guy friends. they kinda had a thing at the end of last year, and are now dating. they are cute together and i am really happy for her because she is a really amazing person and deserves it. she is so so so so cute when she like someone. omg i can't help but be all happy when i am with her when she's talking about him. its so cute!! but you know how i am (horrible) and i have that feeling like "what's wrong with me that i don't have a bf?" "why doesn't joe or bob like me?" oh, by the way, the guy situtation right now SUCKS, but i'm getting to that. anyway, i'm really happy for bridget and i hope everything works out.
guy situation: warning: this is probably the saddest, most desperate, depressing blog post that i've ever written, so hang in there and we will both make it out alive. both joe and bob are being incredibly mean to me. just flat out mean. i cant believe anyone would do that, well, i can, but i just thought that both of these guys had more intelligence than to do that. and i thought that i was smart enough to like people that had a chance of treating me decently. anyways, i'm over them, or at least i hope i am. i've been wasting my time on them for too long and i really need to focus on finding someone who will treat my well and all that. and frankly, i don't think that is anyone at my school. you guys all know i go to a really small school, so the selection there is really limited and pretty much all the guys there ar total douches. with the exception of one. when i decided that i was ove r bob and joe, i thought about aaron, who is pretty much the hottest guy in our grade (him and joe both have amazing bodies....) anyway, aaron is like THE guy at my school, you know the one with all the confidence who can do whatever he want and still be IT. but lana likes him, and according to her, things are going really well. so to hell with that one. i'm hoping that she gets over it and that nothing happens so that i can have my shot at him (i'm such a terrible friend!!) but i know so many other people would feel the same in my position. fo sho. hahaha. and when i thought that there was at least one guy that i could count on to not go crazy on me, he goes and ruins that. lets call him, doug. so he was trying to get me to tell him who i like, so naturally i was doing the same to him. he wouldn't tell me, so i just dropped it. then he texted me:
him: i'm not gonna tell you who i like
me: fine. don't (i really didn't care)
him: but it would just make everything awkwasr
me: why?
him: it would just ruin everything for us
me: why
him: ok fine. plain and simple i like you. just don't tell anyone
me: oh. ok
him: you're the only one who knows by the way
me: kk

i mean, i was kinda suspecting it because he talks to me all the time and is like my best guy friend and does whatever i ask him to and he was all secretive about who he liked, plus, sometimes you just get that feeling, you know?? so now that i know, it just ruined everything. why did he have to tell me? he is so stupid. now i can't have someone to find out who _____ likes or any insight into guy world because he like me and i can't ask him to find out who ____ likes becuase that would be SO mean!! ugh. whhy did he tell me?? and now i'm afraid that he was only my friend all this time because he liked me and not because he just wanted to be my friend. aaaaaah!!!!!! so as far as guys go, my life is a hell hole.
on a happier note, we moved my baby (horsie- five year old APHA gorgeous!!! pic here ) i looooove hime so much. anywhoose, we moved him out to an indoor arena today so i can begin preparations for my competitive season this summer. i think that i am going out there tommorow to have a lesson and get riding. i am so excited cuz i ahvn't been on since october!!! hahaha.
we also had our school talent show today (if you follow me on twitter you know that we've ben preparing for this for a long time). tweleve of us did a dance to the miley cyrus cover of cyndi lauper's "girls just wanna have fun" we wore leggings and oversize t-shirts that we cut off-the-shoulder and had hair in nside ponies and all that (i'll twitpic as soon as i get pics. so fun!) it was so much fun and a huge adrenaline high on stage!!! i have to admit, i was about to throw up just before we went on, but as soon as i was on stage all taht was on my mind was dancing, and i was so much fun!! that's why i want to model, partly, i love having people watch me, having that thrill and adrenaline and appaluase. it was amazing.
so i think that is pretty much it for now!! sorry this post took me so long to get up but now was the first time i found adequate time. i love you guys!!
~when the working day is done, oh girls, they wanna have fun!~
-cyndi lauper

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love you guys!!!

long post this weekend

i'm so sorry that i still havnt found the time for a decent post! but i promise this weekend i will!! so much stuff has happened and i8 am excited to tell you guys all about it! my talent show is tommorwo, so that will take a little stress off me. we are moving my baby (horse) out to an indoor arena this weekend so i can begin prepping for my competive season. yayayay!! hahaha i'm gonna go now but i promise that i will talk to yug guys later!! follow my twitter for more current updates (links in earlier posts)
love you guys!!
~xoxo~

So long since I've been on here...

The title says it all!! I'm so sorry guys!!! I've just been so busy lately!! And every spare sec I have goes into working out!!! I'm not even on my computer right now... But I just came to get socks so I decided to do a minipost!! Thanks for staying with me!!
Love you guys
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