fml

life sucks!! or is it just my lif?? no i am not going emo on you, but sometimes i think "why do i try so hard to have it all come crashing down on me?". everything. i need my guy back, but he's not going to come back to me. he never is. nothing is going right. and then eric, i could like him, but my best friend likes him now. but she likes someone new every five minutes. i just have to wait it out becuase nothing is ever going to happen for them. it never does, she just fantasizes. same as me, but i've never "officially" liked him, i just have in my head. it's the same, to me anyway, but different to everyone else. no one even knew. now i feel like i'm dying inside, at least right now. i don't want to be happy ever again. i just want to feel like this, to know that love is possible, without ever reaching for it, becuase that is when you get hurt. if i can just stay in the dark, alone forever, than it can't hurt so bad. can it? i don't think it will ever get better, not completely. i've been too altered by the false images that anything real hurts to bad simply by not going right. i need new people, a new atmosphere. something to break the monotonous pattern and give me something to look foreward to, to greet the dawn of each coming day as an oppurtunity, not an obligation. i need new blood to get me through. or at least something. something that preferably involves me and a very hot european. ok, the last part is negotioable. but i need something so i'm not always hurting. the only thing that saves me are my dreams...