Tuesday, January 12, 2010

drama drama

yesterday's drama is no longer of importance. it was just a girls going out with someone's ex and everyone being all mad. but she broke up with him today becuase of it. today's drama is much, much worse because it involves me.
my bff (lana) had sorta been ignoring me (i thought she was mad... remember) so she had been hanging out with this girl (jenna). so jenna basicallly monopolizes her and i never get to see her anymore. she sits with her on the bus and everything so i'm like never with her anymore, and shes ignoring me. in class today, i was putting my stuff down next to lana and jenna just ignored me and plopped down next to her. i was going to sit with my other friend in the class, but she was sitting with out guy friend, so i had to sit with lana's ex. a huuuugly suckish thing. and lana didn't even seem to care about the whole thing. jenna made it worse by saying "do you want me to switch with you?" i started to get up, but she said "oh, we will later" and then she never switched with me. sh'es a bitch. and it sucks because i can't say anything to lana about it, because then it will sound like i don't want her to have other friends. i went through something like that last year, so i know how it feels, now from both ends. it sucks.
love update: i still think joe is hot, but now am leaning mostly towards bob, but he doesn't like me (confirmed by guy friends). i just can't believe that i messed it up and now i'll never get the chance back. i'm so stupid!!!!!!!!!

ugh. and, on top of it, there was this girl visiting my school today, i thought she was really pretty, and a bunch of the guys seem to think so, too, though most just said she was probably a whore. i can feel my confidence dwindling down, i was so bad at the end of last year and i came back so far!!!!!! i can't let myself go back to where i was. never again. i just have to suck it up and swallow my feelings and fake it back to the top. acting. that's what this is all about. i have to show jenna that her games don't bug me and that i will overcome her issues. everything will be fine, and i will NOT go back to my own, personal dark ages. i promised myself that and i will keep my word.
i'll just keep my confidence and not show how badly i am hurting. i have enough practice that by now it should just be second nature. yet, somehow i never feel the sting less.

~ keep it all inside, you're safe there~

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